I have not written on here in so long. I have battles with myself as to what I want to reveal - how personal do I really want to be about where I am and how I got here. Would anyone really read this anyway? I keep thinking of the popular song on the radio that states in part "I don't know where I belong - I don't know where I went wrong." There is so much truth to that song. I think about it a lot lately. How did I wind up alone here in my late 40's with no children or partner in my life! Am I being tested by higher beings than myself? Am I really just a person who is going to wind up a crazy-cat lady! Hell no. I prefer dogs. But, I am a successful, smart, pretty, fun, rather well-balanced person who has found herself alone! It could happen to you!
So, in my mind I travel back to the significant relationships I did have, and attempted to reconcile with what went wrong. Step 1- Spend a lot of time forgiving myself for past failures, embarrassments, and cringe-worthy experiences I have had with the men in my life. I have devised a sort-of 12 step program towards my recovery from failed relationships and to recover and move on! I am a total romantic and used to believe that the universe put the man in front of me for a reason! Step 2 - I do not suggest anyone think this way! Just because circumstance has put a guy in front of you does not mean you need to be with that person. This reasoning is what I finally "get". I have spent more time with men I should never have even given the time of day to, just because I was feeling spiritual and felt that the universe brought that man into my life. Well, in a sense the universe did. Because now I get it. Step 3-It is OK to be alone. Perhaps a person needs some alone time to discover what they really want and who they really want. I guess that is my self-help advice. However, It has been almost one year for me. I am practically a virgin - again. And that fact is now clouding my judgment.