I have not written on here in so long.  I have battles with myself as to what I want to reveal - how personal do I really want to be about where I am and how I got here.  Would anyone really read this anyway?  I keep thinking of the popular song on the radio that states in part "I don't know where I belong - I don't know where I went wrong."    There is so much truth to that song.  I think about it a lot lately.  How did I wind up alone here in my late 40's with no children or partner in my life!  Am I being tested by  higher beings than myself?  Am I really just a person who is going to wind up a crazy-cat lady!  Hell no.   I prefer dogs.  But, I am a successful, smart, pretty, fun, rather well-balanced person who has found herself alone!  It could happen to you! 

So, in my mind I travel back to the significant relationships I did have, and attempted to reconcile with what went wrong.  Step 1- Spend a lot of time forgiving myself for past failures, embarrassments, and cringe-worthy experiences I have had with the men in my life.   I have devised a sort-of 12 step program towards my recovery from failed relationships and to recover and move on!   I am a total romantic and used to believe that the universe put the man in front of me for a reason!  Step 2 - I do not suggest anyone think this way!  Just because circumstance has put a guy in front of  you does not mean you need to be with that person.  This reasoning is what I finally "get".  I have spent more time with men I should never have even given the time of day to, just because I was feeling spiritual and felt that the universe brought that man into my life.  Well, in a sense the universe did.  Because now I get it.  Step 3-It is OK to be alone.  Perhaps a person needs some alone time to discover what they really want and who they really want.  I guess that is my self-help advice.  However, It has been almost one year for me.  I am practically a virgin - again.  And that fact is now clouding my judgment.