Feel very humble this morning.  It is a nice feeling.  Much better than spinning out of control in my head.  Put some thought into the fact that I put myself in the position that I am in.  No one to blame but myself.   It is not a bad position, but I want more.  I want better for myself.  I want to feel confident and worthy all the time.  Not just in small amounts.  How does one achieve that when I was never shown how.  How long does it take to get it right.  I keep thinking about a novel title  Widow for One Year written by John Irving.  It was a novel I intended on reading and I left it on the nightstand at my ex's house.  It was the last thing I noticed on my way out the door that day.  I did not know at the time it would be the last time I was in that house or would speak or see that person.  The irony of the title I think about nearly every day now as it has been almost a year since I have been in any kind of relationship with someone- either mental or physical.  Is this part of my journey of self-discovery?  Was I destined to be by myself for one year so I can get it together and break the chains from my past.  Let's hope so.